Author Archives: Deb Entsminger

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About Deb Entsminger

Deb is the great, great, great, great granddaughter of a pirate who left a legacy of alcoholism, abuse and adultery. The Lord rescued her from this her first week at the University of Florida when she moved in next door to a bunch of Nav guys who were actively living out a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Truly, she who is forgiven much, loves much! Right from the start Deb had a deep hunger to know God and let His Word dwell in her richly as well as to pass onto others what she's learning. She has been discipling women for the past 30 years. Together with her husband Jim, she serves on staff with The Navigators.

Discipleship Lessons from the Christmas Story ~ The Blessing of Each Other!

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Luke’s account of the Christmas story begins with failure.

After years of disappointment Zechariah receives an angelic visitor telling him his prayer has been heard and his wife is going to bear him a son!  But instead of joy, he responds with disbelief.

“How shall I know this?  For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years…”  and he ends up voiceless for the next nine months as a consequence.

Fast forward ten verses and the angel Gabriel makes another visit, this time to a young girl.  When he tells her she’s going to get pregnant without ever having known a man, and before she’s even married, she responds, after a little clarification, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  What faith!

But here’s the question ~ was Mary more spiritually mature than Zechariah?

Remember, Zechariah is introduced as being righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord.  That’s a pretty incredible intro!

Now we can’t measure spiritual maturity on the basis of this alone, but here’s a thought ~ it’s one thing to trust the Lord when you are young and have no idea what you’re getting into.  It’s a whole other to trust him after decades of disappointment, when you’ve finally resigned yourself to the reality your last opportunity passed years ago, when you’ve hoped and hurt so many times…

Does this ever illustrate why we need each other!  Why the Lord tells older believers to invest in younger ones!  Not just so the young will benefit but so those older will too.

Yes, when you’re older you’ve had more time for your roots to grow deeper into the Lord – no amount of excitement can ever take the place of that.  But, well, I guess I should say each season of life brings challenges in trusting and following Jesus.

Younger believers often have a harder time persevering because their roots aren’t as deep so there can be much benefit for them having someone older come alongside encouraging and helping them hang in there when life turns out far more difficult than they anticipated.

But for those who are older, there is something so invigorating about the optimism of youth, when you are with someone and they’ve first experienced Jesus and can’t get enough time with Him! When they’re ready to go anywhere in the world without a second thought or do whatever he calls them to do, no matter the cost!  It can be so infectious!  And spur you on to do the same!

I remember shortly after I became a Christian writing a poem that began…

I’ll climb the highest mountain, I’ll sail the roughest sea

I’ll travel to any distant land and live life dangerously

I’ll brave the harshest winter, pushing onward through sleet and snow

I’m ready Lord.  Do with me as you will, just show me the way I should go…

And I spent my years in college sleeping on a reed mat on the floor of my dorm room getting ready to do pioneer missions, to take the gospel where it hadn’t been before and meeting with anyone who showed any interest at all to share with them about Jesus!

I remember someone commenting once I was a gift to the woman I met with because I was so excited about anything that had to do with God, at a time when she was wrestling with the reality she was probably going to be single the rest of her life and discouraged over shattered dreams.  I better understand this now.

As I approach 50 it’s not quite as easy to climb those mountains, and after having endured this past week’s negative zero temps, I’m not certain how eager I’d be to push onward through sleet and snow – that’s not only cold, that’s wet!!!

We had a national staff conference a couple weeks ago and were so blessed to have Jim Downing and Jerry and Jane Bridges join us.   I got to see first hand – It’s a whole lot harder for them to come to these conferences than it is for someone 80 years younger!  But how blessed the younger staff are to have them there – and what a delight to see the joy on their faces as they interact with new staff!

If the Lord keeps me here I so hope to follow in their footsteps.  I want to follow Jesus however, wherever, whenever with whomever, but I’m much more aware of the cost now.

Do those I meet with ever keep me on my toes, challenging me to go out of my comfort zone.

Here’s one other thing – note where Mary heads right after she gets this news…  Straight to Zechariah and Elizabeth’s house!  Can you imagine the incredible one on ones she shared with Elizabeth during their three months together?  And what a blessing that was to her, too?!

Don’t you just love how the Lord works things out so we all get blessed as together we follow him?!

Discipleship Lessons from The Christmas Story ~ 1

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“The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.”  Matthew 1:1

Got to love the way the New Testament begins with a genealogy!  One that places Jesus smack dab in the middle of a family… and one with quite a colorful lineage!  Reading through Matthew 1:2-17 is like a review of favorite stories from the Old Testament, only you really see how interconnected they are.

Then verse 18 begins, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way…”  Only it doesn’t begin with his mother going into labor or even with her conceiving…  Jesus’ birth story begins with Mary being betrothed to Joseph.  And then we see how the Lord goes out of his way to make certain that Joseph stays in the picture, sending an angel to encourage him to not be afraid to take Mary to be his wife.

He didn’t have to.  Mary could’ve been a single mother.  Yes, she needed in that culture to be provided for but the Lord could’ve done this through other people or even through birds bringing her food!  He’d done that before!

But in God’s perfect timing and ultimate wisdom, He chose Mary to be Jesus’ mother and Joseph to be her husband and to care for Jesus as his earthly father.

So what does this have to do with discipleship?  Just as the Son of God was born into a family, so each of us is born into a family.  When we disciple someone if we ignore this reality we will be greatly hampered in helping them.

1.  The Lord chose the exact family we were born into and grew up with.

For those adopted this may involve two families!  Jesus had this experience – at least through his father!  (note Luke 2:48 )  And I wonder…  adoption is such a key part of the gospel, could this be why the Lord so wanted Joseph involved?!  So Jesus could experience the temporal illustration of what He was going to make possible eternally?!

In Psalm 139:13 we’re told, “Certainly you made my mind and heart,  you wove me together in my mother’s womb.  I will give you thanks because your deeds are awesome and amazing.  You knew me thoroughly; my bones were not hidden from you, when I was made in secret and sewed together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb.”  (NET)

Do you see the intentionality of the Lord revealed in these verses?  The hands on care?  Can you imagine the wisdom, power, artistry that went into hand fashioning each individual?  It is so vital for those you meet with to understand this!  So they can appreciate God’s majesty as creator through His  role in forming them but also…

To the extent they reject or feel shame or harbor bitterness or resentment against their family this will greatly hinder the Lord’s work in their lives and even without them knowing it, can impact in a huge way their relationship with the Lord.

2.  The Lord has a purpose for placing each person into the exact family they are born into.

Does Matthew’s genealogy ever highlight this for Jesus!

Note the Psalmist continues, “All the days ordained for me were recorded in your scroll before one of them came into existence.  How difficult it is for me to fathom your thoughts about me, O God!  How vast is their sum total!  If I tried to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.  Even if I finished counting them, I would still have to contend with you.” (NET)  

God’s work in us does not “begin” when we become Christians!  From the getgo, even before our first day came to be, God was at work purposefully planning…  This was not a slap ‘er together and move on event!  Can’t you hear the Psalmist’s amazement at all the thought the Lord puts into this?

And yes, this can be hard to swallow for those who’ve experienced abuse at the hands of their families.  But even in these cases, it’s so important to help women work through these issues with the help of the Lord.  The reality is the Lord in His Omniscience knows everything that happens and knew in advance what would happen and He still chose to place them in that specific womb, in that specific family.  

Over the past thirty years I’ve met with many women who’ve come from homes where they experienced extreme physical, verbal and/or sexual abuse.  When this has been caused or allowed by their mom, it’s easy in situations like this for them to want to look to the older woman discipling her to take the place of her mom.  I try so hard to never do this, but instead am always encouraging those I meet with to learn to love their moms, to forgive her and pray for her ~ and whenever possible we pray for her parents together.  Time after time I’ve been blown away as I’ve seen the Lord draw the mom to Himself and bring deep healing not only to the relationship, but also to the woman I’m discipling!

3.  Our families play a huge role in shaping us

It wasn’t just happenstance Jesus ended up being a carpenter!  

With family it can be so easy to only look at the negative and forget the positives we’ve received from those who gave us birth and raised us.  What a difference it can make if we take time to help those we meet with identify the good they’ve received, even if it’s just healthy genes or inherited abilities!

And it’s vital to remember our families don’t just shape us as we’re growing up but throughout our lives.  Unforgiveness can have an even greater impact on one’s heart than abuse itself!

And even where abuse hasn’t occurred we’ve got to take the gospel and apply it, including, “All have sinned and fall short…”  I became a believer six years before I gave birth to my son.  And I so wanted to love him well and raise him well!  And yet, even in the areas I tried hardest, I fell short!  We all always need the grace of God and the forgiveness of Jesus!

But here’s the kicker – to the extent we are critical of and judge our families, not extending grace to them it will continue to have a huge negative impact on us… and our families!  In Titus 2:4  Older women are to be trained so they can teach younger women first and foremost, “to love their husbands and children.”  One of the best ways I can love my immediate family is by loving well the family I came from.  To the extent I don’t, one will impact the other.

4.  Families are important to God.

In 1 Timothy 5:4 Paul writes, “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. ”  This pleases God!  It brings Him pleasure when this happens!

Now Jesus is to be a higher priority in our lives than our families (see Luke 14:26) – it’s so important we don’t go to the other extreme where families become idols!  But Jesus makes it clear in Mark 7:11 we are not to spiritualize neglect of our families either!

5.  It’s not just about what our families have done (or not done) for us, but also what we can do for them.

When the healed demoniac begs to go with Jesus, the Lord refuses and tells him, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how He has had mercy on you!” (Mark 5:19)

6.  Families provide an incredible relational network for helping spread the Gospel and God’s Kingdom!

When Jesus was selecting his disciples, he chose two sets of brothers!  Indeed, all throughout the scriptures it’s amazing how many times one person believes in Jesus and the rest of the family is impacted.  And note while Jesus’ brothers start out seriously misunderstanding him (John 7:5), one of them ends up not only believing in Him (Galatians 1:19) but many believe he contributed the book to the Bible called by his name!!!

One of the neatest things about family – you’re an insider there!  And as your family expands through marriage and yes, even through tracking down distant relatives can you ever have neat opportunities to share the most important part of your life!  They may think you’re crazy, but you belong!

This is one thing I love about being married!  I don’t just have my family!  I’ve now got my husband’s whole family too!!!  :0)

If those you disciple are trying to run away from their families can they ever miss out on important opportunities to let their light shine!  What if God placed them in that broken, dysfunctional family (and what family isn’t?!) so they could give the reason for the hope they have inside and see God do a miracle of redemption?

I love how the Lord puts it in Jeremiah 32:27, “I am the Lord, the God of all flesh.  Is there anything too difficult for me?!”

7.  Families aren’t just about those who’ve come before us, but also the generations that will follow!  What we do or don’t do doesn’t just impact our life!

I’ve just finished reading through 2 Kings and over and over as each King is introduced and identified as either doing evil or following the Lord you know what it says?  Who his mother is!  Do we ever have a huge impact on the generations that are to follow – for good or for harm!

Reading about Hezekiah was so sobering.  He loved the Lord.  He did great things for God.  And when Isaiah came and told him he was going to die, he prayed earnestly and the Lord gave him an extra 15 years.  But later on when Isaiah told him the Babylonians were going to come and take everything, does he earnestly pray, asking God to change this?  No!  He actually replied, “The Word of the Lord you have spoken is good” for he thought, “There will be peace and security in my lifetime.”  

Let’s not fall into Hezekiah’s trap (if you want to see the outcome of that read 2 Kings 21), just caring about ourselves or only about the women we are meeting with.  Even Jesus right before he died on the cross made provision for his mother.  Care about those who will continue on after you!  And after those you disciple!  Ask the Lord to give you a vision for her whole family, even for those yet to be born!

What a difference this can make when you disciple… and beyond!

These are a few of my favorite things!

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I love a good movie!  And I must say The Lord of the Rings movies are my hands down favorites!  There’s something about the desperation in the middle, when all seems lost and there seems to be no hope of good ever happening again that I can so relate to.  You see, I live my life in the middle of the story.

But then Gandalf arrives, or Sam shows up or even Gollum hurtles back into the picture and my heart is encouraged to press on.  In the midst of this broken and fallen world, I so need the perspective a good story can bring reminding me the end is coming and it will be good.

That’s also why I need XTAWGs (aka extended times with the Lord!).  When Jim and I were first starting out we sought to do these once a month.  But the longer I walk with Jesus the more I need extended time sitting at his feet, focusing on who He is, taking time to let His Word dwell in me richly… to give me His perspective in the middle of my story!

The more intense life is, the more I desperately need this!  I now seek to enjoy such time weekly.  What a difference it makes  in helping me press on in following Jesus!

So I thought I’d share a few of my favorite ways of enjoying an XTAWG!

1.  When I first started doing this, I began with Lorne Sanny’s article How To Spend A Day In Prayer.*   In addition to explaining the value of doing this, this is a great guide for getting you started!  You can literally go through the article step by step and use that to structure and experience an incredible XTAWG!  We usually give this out to people when they are doing this for the first time, along with the circles that come at the back of Roger and Jean Fleming’s book Feeding Your Soul – I can’t recommend their book highly enough!!!**

2.  What I most use now is Prof. Richard Horner’s Bible Reading Plan*** only instead of daily I use it weekly, reading from ten chapters – one from each of his lists – during my XTAWG.  I find it is so helpful to have a set plan for what I’ll do each week, so I hop on my bike, asking the Lord to lead on our “date” and then stop, read one chapter, draw a small picture that summarizes the key thing that stood out to me as I read, then hop back on my bike until the Lord prompts me to stop again and I dive into the next chapter…  It’s amazing to me how the different readings will relate and often a theme will emerge during my time with the Lord.  (and yes I often end up at different cafes along the way!  ;0) You can see an example of this here:  http://restfulheart.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/come/  If you’d like a copy of what I’ve taped in the front of my Bible to keep track of where I’m at from week to week email me at jadseekhim@Msn.com and I’ll be glad to send it to you. :0)

3.  Once a month I love to spend my XTAWG at an art gallery or art museum.  Before I go in I pray and ask the Lord to lead me to one piece of art He wants me focusing on and then ask Him to give me ears to hear whatever He wants to say to me through this.  As soon as something stands out to me, I stop there and begin drawing it – I find I notice so much more when I slow down and do this and then I take out my journal and start dialoging with the Lord regarding what I’ve noticed.  These have been some of my most life changing times experiencing Him and hearing from Him.  You can find two examples of this at:  http://restfulheart.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/lord-please-save-me-from-ideas-that-are-not-yours/  and  http://restfulheart.wordpress.com/2012/10/27/despondency-or-delight/

4.  For those who are here in Colorado or if you ever come out here to visit – another favorite way to enjoy an XTAWG takes place at The Potter’s Inn in Divide, Colorado.****  They have a prayer walk on their 35 acres and a booklet you can purchase for $1 that will provide you with some amazing extended time with the Lord!!!  (imagine reading about Moses in the cleft of the rock as you’re actually sandwiched in one!!!)  I’ve done this three times and still look forward to the next time I get to do it!

Now you don’t have to bike.  And you don’t have to draw!  And you don’t have to go to art museums or on adventures discovering new special spots or come to Colorado or hang out at local cafes!  These are just things I really enjoy!

But isn’t that the point?  Make a list of what you really enjoy, a list of your favorite things, and seek to incorporate those into your extended times with God!  Think of it as a date with God!  When someone plans to take you on a date, if they are wise they take into consideration what you enjoy doing!  And is the Lord ever wise!!!

You see, when I first got married, my husband and I were encouraged to spend time every day interacting, even if just briefly, and then to take time weekly going on a date where we could enjoy uninterrupted focused time together.  What a difference those dates have made in our marriage!

This is also true for my relationship with the Lord!  I have my daily quiet time – which truly is the most important 15 minutes of my day, but then these weekly dates are taking me so much deeper in my relationship with Him!  And when you’re feeling very much in the middle of the story, wondering how any good can come of all that’s happening, is this ever especially needed!

So this is by no means an exhaustive list!  Just a few of my favorite ways to enjoy an XTAWG while doing some of my favorite things!  :0)  If you have ideas for what you enjoy doing as you spend extended time with the Lord would I ever love to hear them!

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* How To Spend A Day In Prayer by Lorne Sanny:  http://www.cmfhq.org/Portals/0/acrobat/training/Day%20Alone%20with%20God.pdf  )

**Feeding Your Soul by Roger and Jean Fleming:  http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Your-Soul-Quiet-Handbook/dp/1576831442  (note:  If you go to Amazon.com and on the webpage for this book click to “look inside” this book and type “How to Spend A Half-day in Prayer” in the search box and scroll down to pages 140-142 you can see their circles for breaking down how to spend each hour for three hours with the Lord! I have found this to be of incredible help!!!)

***Professor Horner’s Bible Reading Plan:  http://www.challies.com/sites/all/files/attachments/professor-grant-horners-bible-reading-system.pdf

**** The Potter’s Inn website:  http://pottersinn.com/

Simple Treasures

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Recently a guy ran up to me, “You don’t know me but I heard you speak a couple months ago and I want you to know what you shared revolutionized my time with God!”

What profound truth had I shared?

Simply that I didn’t stay in one place when I spent extended time alone with the Lord!

He’s an active guy who dreads sitting still for hours at a time, so when he heard me share how I enjoy spending extended time with God biking from one place to another in between reading chapters from the Bible, he was captivated.  “I love how you start out praying, “Where do you want me to go today, Lord?”  I’ve started doing this and now, not only do I look forward to the time but I’m doing it even more!”

Simple ideas can make a huge difference in someone’s life!

When one of the women I meet with lamented, “I’m really struggling in my prayer life…”  I shared with her how I use index cards, having one for each person the Lord places on my heart to pray for.  You wouldn’t believe the difference this simple idea is making in her prayer life and in the lives of those she’s praying for!  And as she’s passing it on to others, it’s making a difference in their lives too!

Being Active.  Index Cards.

Why did I share these ideas in the first place?  Because they are things I find helpful!

When you meet with people, don’t feel pressure that you have to have a fancy plan, loaded with info!  Don’t feel like you have to go to the experts trying to find treasure to pass on…  What is helping you follow Jesus?  Take time to consider this and then share it!

When one of my friends was discipled the woman meeting with her suggested they memorize one verse from The Navigators Topical Memory System each week, taking time to understand and discuss it, then seeking to apply it in their lives.  One verse, each week… simple.  But did this ever have a huge impact on her life!

You see, discipleship isn’t rocket science!  It doesn’t have to be difficult or complex.  It’s simply helping someone who’s decided they want to follow Jesus learn how to do this.  And one of the best ways you can do this is simply passing on what’s helping you!

The challenge is we often don’t take time to stop and think, “What is helping me follow Jesus?”

Or if we do, it’s easy to discount the value of something because it’s simple.  But remember Jesus said in Luke 16:10, “He who is faithful in little will be faithful in much.”

Little things matter.

Little things can impact lives in a BIG way!

As it says in Zechariah 4:10, “Do not despise these small beginnings…!”

 

 

Do You Have What It Takes?!

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The first time I ever met one on one with someone to spur her on in her relationship with Christ I’d only been a Christian a couple months!   I was so excited about what I was learning I simply had to share it with someone.  When I met a 12 year old at our church who seemed eager to grow we started meeting together.  I had  no idea what I was doing, but getting together to read God’s Word and talk about the Lord multiplied the joy!

Then a year later when an older woman started discipling me, I was so excited about what I was learning I asked a friend in my nutrition class if she’d like to get together so I could share this treasure with her.  She’d just become a Christian and it was such fun growing together!  And I discovered, you really do learn something better when you pass it on to someone else!

You see, you don’t need a seminary degree or years of experience to invest in other women! But Satan so loves to make us believe the lie, “You don’t have what it takes…”

But what does it take to disciple women?

1.  You need a personal relationship with Jesus!  

I’ll never forget the night I became a Christian.  When I looked at my Bible it was like reading it with new eyes!  Truly God removed blinders from my eyes and it finally made sense like it never had before!!!  At the same time God’s Holy Spirit came to live in me.  He is the wonderful counselor who is so faithful to guide and provide us with all we need to do whatever the Lord wants us doing!  And as God’s child I am heir to all His promises!  Which includes His promise for wisdom when I ask (James 1:5), guidance (Isaiah 40:11 tells us He gently leads those who have young!), strength (Phil 4:13) and provision (Phil. 4:19).  Without a personal relationship with Jesus no one can disciple for as Jesus says, “Apart from me you can do nothing!”  (John 15:5).

2.  You need to be a disciple before you can join in with Jesus discipling someone else!

A disciple is a follower and a learner – hard to learn from someone if you don’t go where they go and do what they do.  But it’s not just someone who mentally takes in facts but who makes what’s being learned the rule of conduct for her life – someone committed to living out what the Lord is teaching her!  It is a direction, not a designation.  Even though I’m on Navigator staff, if I stop following Jesus and actively learning from Him, I’m no longer a disciple because I’m not heading in Jesus’ direction.  Discipleship is not pouring facts into someone else but rather inviting them to join you on the journey as you follow Jesus, helping them learn how to follow Him too!  Hard to take someone in a set direction if you aren’t heading in that direction yourself!!!

3.  You need God’s living Word!

Being a disciple not just about following Jesus so you can go where He goes and do what He does, but it’s about being transformed to be like Him, becoming who you truly are in Him.  This process of transformation is called sanctification.  In John 17:17  Jesus prays to the Father asking him to “sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.”  You see, I can’t change anyone, but God’s Word is “living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing the soul and spirit joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart”  (Hebrews 4:12).  God even tells us in Isaiah 55: 10-11, “as the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth, so is my Word that goes out from my mouth, it will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”  Want to make certain your one on ones are of value?  Always include God’s Word!!!

4.  You need time!

Time to be available, both to meet with the woman you’ll be discipling and to meet with Jesus to talk with Him about her and get His input on what He’s doing in her life and how He wants you to join in!  You also need time to love her well and to share your life with her.  Truly more gets caught than taught!

5.  You need to be intentional, being willing to step out of your comfort zone!

You need intentionality even to get the ball rolling and start meeting with someone.  It’s not easy to take that first step and ask if she’d like to get together knowing she may very well refuse.  Even if she says yes, when you get together it takes intentionality to make that time profitable.  It’s so much easier to spend the whole time chatting!  But for us to get in the Word or to dive into praying or to do anything of spiritual value at all, well, sometimes it can feel like pulling teeth!  Small wonder since a battle is raging and the enemy so wants to rob both of you of making the most of this time…

But here’s the beautiful thing, whether you’ve been a Christian one day or eighty years, because of Jesus these can all be true of you!

As it says in 2 Corinthians 3:5-6, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God who has made us competent to be ministers of the new covenant not of the letter, but of the Spirit.  For the letter kills but the Spirit gives life.”

Do you have what it takes to disciple women?  By yourself, no.  No one does.  No matter how much training or experience they may have.

But God makes us competent.  And in Him, do we ever!!!

How Much Time Should You Plan for Meeting One on One with Women?

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Ideally, I like to meet with the women I’m discipling for two hours each time.  I find this provides sufficient time to pray, relate and catch up, hear how her assignment from the previous time went, enjoy good time in the Word together and pass along new tools, process, give her the next assignment and end our time praying together.

But there are many factors that go into this.  For example, your personalities.  I am highly relational and my love language is quality time so two hours really works well for me. But it’s also important to determine, how much time does she have?  If you’re meeting during her lunch hour, she most likely won’t have two hours.  And if you’re working full time with other responsibilities or a mom with young children, or already discipling a number of people, you may not have two hours!

Currently I have three women I meet one on one with on a regular basis.  One I meet with every week for two hours each time, another I meet with every other week for two hours, and the third I meet with for an hour each week as this is when she’s available.  In the past there’ve been times I’ve met with people weekly for just a half hour – it’s tight and we’re certainly limited in what we do during that time, but bit by bit it has proven it can be helpful.  When that’s all you have to work with, it’s amazing how the Lord can multiply time like He did the loaves and fishes!

Remember the most important issue when determining how much time you spend meeting with someone is doing what Lord leads you to do!

Recently I’d set aside two hours to meet with a woman and our time together was one of those precious times where the Lord was so at work!  But then we finished what He’d laid on my heart to do in an hour and a half.  When I looked at the clock and saw we still had a half hour to go I decided to dive into something else – and you know, it ended up detracting from the time, not really benefitting either of us.  It would’ve been so much better if I’d ended our time early!

So again, don’t get caught up following a set time frame, follow Jesus!  Ask Him for the wisdom and sensitivity to follow Him well in this.  What a difference it can make!

Fighting Dependence!

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Ever have something that started out great go sour on you?

My read through the Bible discussion group was a classic example of this.  From the start it was obvious the Lord was at work.  When two sisters joined while we were in Leviticus and then ended up not only hanging in there but becoming Christians I was blown away!  Even as we dove into the minor prophets the discussions were incredible and life change was occurring all over the place.  I thought, “If God is doing this much in the Old Testament, I can’t wait to see what He’ll do as we discuss the New!”

But as we dove into the gospels everything changed.  “I don’t get it!”  I shared with a friend, “We aren’t having the great discussions we use to have.  People seem to have stopped making application to their lives.  I don’t even know if doing this is benefitting anyone anymore!”

After inquiring further about what we did when we got together, my friend stated, “You need to stop answering questions.”

I was shocked!  But you know he was right!  When I followed his advice, great discussions resumed, people started making life applications again, and I learned soon as an answer is given discussion is killed.  What’s worse, it shifts the focus of the group from going to the Scriptures seeking to hear what the Lord wants to say to them, to reading with a questioning mindset.

You see, at that time I didn’t know as much about the Old Testament so as we read through that we were all on fairly equal footing – we just accepted there were some things we weren’t going to get this go round, so we read for what we could understand, listening to hear whatever the Lord wanted to tell us.

But when we came to the New Testament, I’d done a bunch more study on this and often knew the answers to their questions.  And the more I answered, the more they started focusing on what they didn’t understand when they read, rather than on what they did understand and what God wanted to say to them through it!

So when they showed up for our “discussion group” – well at that point it became more of a “let’s go hear how Debbie will answer this” group.  Without me intending, the focus shifted from God to me.

You see, the Bible is the Living Word.  It’s the only book you ever read with the author right there with you any place, any time you sit down to read it!  And I don’t care if you study it full time every single day of your life, there is always more to learn!  Questions can be good if they get you to slow down and spend more time observing the passage, especially if they get you interacting with the author!  But if all you do when you read is come up with a bunch of questions which you ask another person to answer you miss out on the best part – relating with the author and having your life change as a result.

Whether we are leading a Bible study or meeting one on one with someone there is a vital need to fight dependence – I don’t want those I’m meeting with to become dependent on me.  Instead my job is to help them grow in depending on God!

To do this I have to remember I am a facilitator, not their savior.  I know that may sound like a no brainer, but I’m sad to say it can be so easy to slip into seeking to be the latter.

Trust me, it’s a huge ego boost when people are hanging on your every word, as well as seeing lives change as a result of doing what you suggest.  And it sure can be fun to show off what you know – especially when it impresses people!

But imagine if you were in Kindergarten and the teacher answered every question?!  You could ace every test … and never learn a thing!

Now the purpose here isn’t to encourage you to never answer a question!  But it certainly can be wise when investing in others, to ask, “Is our time together spurring them to depend more on the Lord or on me?”  Being aware of the danger is half the battle!  The rest is dying to ego!  This is a battle and often one that rages subconsciously.

But love seeks what’s best for the other person!  Is it ever worth it when we fight against people depending on us, and fight instead for them to depend on the Lord!  Even if it requires sometimes leaving questions unanswered…

 

 

 

The Gift of Story

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I was once challenged to write a story that presented the gospel in a creative way.  It was just a random suggested assignment at the end of a Bible study on evangelism.  Was I ever surprised when the Lord used it to bring four friends to Himself!

One time while speaking the Lord prompted me to share a story from my life regarding my own struggle with sin, afterwards I was shocked as woman after woman came up, tears streaming down, exclaiming, “I thought I was the only one!”

Another time after a friend shared the frustration she felt over constantly failing in a spiritual discipline, the Lord brought to mind a story that encouraged my heart years ago and as I shared it with her, it was beautiful to see her perspective shift and peace come.

Shared stories can be a powerful, life-changing gift. Whether they are fictional or personal, simple or complex, they have the ability to hit us straight in the heart.  They can bring conviction, hope, understanding…   Small wonder Jesus used them so profusely in his teaching.

When a lawyer asked, “Who is my neighbor?”  Jesus could’ve replied, “Whoever God brings into your life.”  But he didn’t.  And good thing too, because there’s a multitude of lessons encased in that one story!  I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve had a quiet time focusing on this story in the past 30 years.  Every single time the Lord teaches me something different.

Stories stick.  Much better than platitudes or propositions.  Much better than a verse or truth told straight out.  When people share stories with me I often find myself reflecting on them.  And it’s amazing how many times the Lord will teach me something through them – though not always right away.  Some stories are like crock pot cooking, stewing inside for a good long while and then out of the blue, yielding something delicious, something of great value in my life.  And are they ever pass-on-able!

But how a story’s told is so important.  And also why!

Best way to kill a story?  Read it in monotone!  Honest!  I love books!  But I think most children’s Bibles never should’ve been written.  It’s too easy for parents to read straight from the page rather than share the stories with their kids in an engaging way!  It’s sad how we can get animated telling the story of finding a great sale at the store, but think we don’t have what it takes to tell Bible stories!

I spent more than five years teaching 2 and 3 year olds in Sunday School.  What a wonderful challenge that was!  You can’t be boring and hold their attention!  ;0)  And it’s amazing how much I learned as I shared these stories with them!  It forced me to consider what was really happening in the story as I basically acted it out – or even better involved them in acting it out!

But you know, even with college students I find sharing stories to be incredibly impactful.  What would you rather hear – someone telling you, “God gives us a wonderful promise in James 1:5 that if we ask for wisdom He’ll give it to us – you should take him up on that sometime.”  Or hearing about a single mom whose two boys were failing school and she had to work till 11 nearly every night just to support her family.  She’d never even learned how to read, but she’d sure seen the value of an education, so when the boys brought home report cards with mostly F’s, she got down on her knees and cried out to the Lord for wisdom, telling him she had no clue what to do, and He gave her an idea…  She told her sons they were no longer allowed to play after school until they’d gone to the library, read a book and wrote a report on it each week… This one idea totally turned her boys lives around – and in case you haven’t picked up on it yet, the woman was Ben Carson’s mom (the famous cardiologist!).

Stories can play a key role when we are discipling someone.  Remember “telling” is one of the least effective teaching methods!  But “telling stories”  can be a whole different matter IF you follow Ephesians 4:29 where we are encouraged to speak “only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ever been trapped at a party listening to someone go on and on in detail about a story you could care less about?  That’s an example of story not being helpful. We have to be God focused and other focused when we select and tell stories.  Is the Lord prompting you to share?  And if so, for how long and in how much detail?

I love to tell stories!  So I have to be super careful or it can become all about Debbie talking about herself, or Debbie having fun performing!  Or even Debbie wanting people to value or like her.  So when a story comes to mind, I seek to ask first, “Lord is this something you want me to share?”  And then ask Him to help me share it in a way that honors Him and encourages the other person.  And as I’m sharing I try to watch the other person for clues, are they bored?  Overwhelmed?  Uncomfortable?  In truth, I don’t always get it right!  And I’m sure there are times those I meet with are thinking, “Here she goes again!”

But when the Lord is prompting me to share a story, well, that’s when I most experience the beauty of Proverbs 25:11, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver!”

As you have opportunity, study the stories of Jesus, noting how and when He uses them.  He really is the perfect story teller!

And next time you’re praying about what to do when you meet with someone why not ask, “Lord, is there a story you’d have me share?”

A Disciple Making Continuum: Flexibility vs. Structure

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There is not one way to disciple.  This is true not only because each person being discipled is unique, but also because every discipler is unique!

Personality, maturity, past experiences, convictions, spiritual gifting… there are so many factors that impact the way we do what we do.

Some disciplers are super structured.  They know what they want to accomplish and have a clear plan for how to get there.  Others are extremely flexible, highly relational, ready and willing to go with the flow.   In between there’s a range of possibilities!

This reality can be expressed by a continuum which features on the left “extreme flexibility,” (aka “Let’s just get together and talk…”) and on the right “extreme structure” (aka “This is THE plan!”).

There are strengths and weaknesses to both.

Consider the following:
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At one extreme we have Flexible Felicity.  Her focus is primarily on building relationship.  She tends to see disciple-making as an art, with each encounter a new creative opportunity.  Her strengths can be her focus on the person, who usually feels very loved and cared for, and her flexibility may result in deep needs being met that might otherwise be missed which she intuitively may be more likely to pick up on (though this doesn’t always happen!).  A key weakness is she can easily be sidetracked and miss the goal.  Her greatest danger is to lose sight of the goal and end up spinning her wheels, perhaps even wasting the time.  When this happens does the enemy ever rejoice!

At the other extreme we find Structured Susan.  Her focus is on reaching the goal.  She views disciple-making as a science (most likely one she’s got down pat! and is very eager to help others learn to “do right”).  Her strengths are her ability to clearly articulate her goals at all times for this is primarily what she’s focusing on.  What she does in her one on ones tends to be easier to duplicate, since the more organized something is the more easily it lends itself to passing on, and what she does with people is usually measurable (ie, she knows when her plans are accomplished…at least her part of doing it!).  A key weakness is this can be impersonal and with such a heavy focus on a predetermined plan, important needs can easily be missed and people can end up feeling like a project.  The key danger here is losing the relationship!  When this happens does the enemy ever score a huge victory.

In Ecclesiastes 7:18 we’re told, “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.  The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.”  Have I ever found this to be wise advice.  There can be great beauty and strength in balance!  For example, it’s vital to love well (see 1 Cor 13:1-3!), people really do grow best in the context of relationship, and to realize you are meeting with a unique individual who has unique needs, but also to understand being intentional can be a huge part of loving well.  How do you feel when someone puts effort into preparing something for you?!

My favorite part is what happens to our focus as we struggle to stay more balanced – rather than focusing primarily on the person or on the goal, I find the struggle tends to help me keep my focus primarily on God!

Can it ever help to pray through this continuum and consider where you fall on it:

Where does your personality naturally place you?

How have your past experiences influenced this, especially if you were discipled, what did that look like?

What impact has your spiritual maturity had on this?  Have you changed through the years?

Are there any convictions influencing what you do?

And how does your gifting influence this?

For example, I’m a fairly flexible, intuitive, highly creative and highly distractible person who LOVES people!!!  So on the basis of personality alone, it’s obvious I’m more likely to fall on the left of the continuum.  BUT I was discipled by a woman who was structured and had a plan so that provides balance!  Since what was modeled for me was more on the right side, I’ve experienced the benefits of that side too.

Because I’ve been discipling women for over thirty years I have a lot of tools available to use that are internalized, so if an opportunity to meet one on one with someone pops up unexpectedly I don’t need as much advance planning as I did when I was first learning how to do this.  Though without a doubt the first tool I always seek to use is prayer, because I realize no matter how much experience I have, God’s ways still aren’t my ways and I so want to walk in step with Him! (that’s a conviction that’s resulted in a set plan to pray first!)

Over the years I’ve seen one of the best ways I can help women is to faithfully spend time in the Word with them each time we meet.  With all my heart (yes, this is a deep conviction!) I believe that’s the most enriching thing I can ever do with anyone.  So I intentionally plan each week to spend focused time together in the Word.

And I have a deep conviction about spiritual generations of laborers being raised up – I want what I’m passing on that’s of value to be readily passed onto others.  I so want each woman I’m meeting with to discover the joy of doing with others what I’m doing with her!  Not only for the benefit of others – I deeply believe this is key for her finishing life well.  Does that ever spur me on to be more organized so what I do is pass-on-able!

Now hospitality is one of my gifts, so I am much more likely to seek to disciple in a warm place preferably with a cup of tea and something good to eat and to spend time at the start catching up and relationally connecting!  But the Lord has also given me a gift of teaching and often teaching well requires advance planning (like making certain I have two sets of colored pencils or copies of tools I’m introducing!  ;0) and being aware of the time (which does NOT come naturally to me) so we have enough time to do what I believe the Lord wants us doing!

So I continue to seek to grow towards being more balanced when I’m discipling women.  In all honesty, this can be a struggle!  I expect I’m always going to be more on the left side due to my personality.  But that’s not bad!  That’s a big part of how the Lord made me.  Maybe structure and planning come more naturally for you and you need to be more intentional about enjoying relationship with those you meet with.  Either way, let’s not let what comes naturally be an excuse that keeps us from growing, or from doing the best we can for the women we’re discipling!

Why I am Not a Fan of Using Devotionals for Quiet Times

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I love books! As a voracious reader, I learn so much from the things people have written.  Just this past week I discovered a new Christian used book store here in town on my date with Jesus and I was like a kid in a candy shop!  I bought three books after putting four back (had to limit myself because I was on my bike with only a small backpack!) and devoured the first one that night!

So please understand… I do believe there is much value in reading the thoughts of others – but not during a quiet time!  With all my heart I believe this should be a sacred time, enjoyed daily, directly with the lover of your soul.

Yes, the Lord can and does speak to us in a number of ways.  He is an incredible communicator!  But I have found keeping my quiet time limited to the Lord, His Word and me during that special time makes such a difference in my life!

Why?

a.  Enjoying a quiet time this way is relational!

Now I’m well aware there are many who will disagree with me regarding the use of devotionals for Quiet Times.  And that’s totally fine! (I am not at all saying I think it’s wrong to do this, just not generally wise if its taking the place of you going directly to God’s Word – though if Jesus leads you to do this, by all means follow Him!!!)  But I know my dates with my husband wouldn’t be the same if someone else came along and I just listened to this person, no matter how wise or eloquent he was, tell me what he thought about what my husband said.  For a counseling appointment or at a dinner party that’s fine, but on a date I want to hear and experience Jim directly! :0)  And it’s the same in my times with the Lord.

b.   Enjoying a quiet time this way promotes growing in dependence on the Lord… not other people

I believe this is especially important when following up a new or young believer. Remember how 1 Peter 2:2 talks about how key “pure spiritual milk”  (or as the KJV says “the sincere milk of the Word”) is for growing?  A daily quiet time is a prime time for taking this in.

It’s so easy for young believers to develop a dependence on other people, to let others do their thinking for them, and then to be intimidated by how well written or how brilliant the thoughts in the devotional are and think, “I could never come up with anything like that.” So instead of directly learning to listen to the Holy Spirit teach them from His Word, they become dependent on people.

c.  Enjoying a quiet time this way helps people grow in valuing God’s Word

The Bible is not another book among books.

2 Timothy 3:16 states, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

And we’re told in Hebrews 4:12 “The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double edged sword.  It penetrates even to dividing the soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

And in 2 Peter 1:20 we’re told, “But know this first of all that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.”

And in Isaiah 55 the Lord himself pleads, “Listen, listen to me and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the richest of fare” and then He compares His Word to the rain watering the earth and promises, “So is my Word that goes out of my mouth it will not return to me void, but will accomplish the purpose I have for it.”

What other book is like this?!!!

As I often say, my words are like .5 cents compared to God’s Word being a million dollars.  So let’s say the words of the most eloquent, mature Christian writer are worth $20.  What’s that compared to God’s Word?!  If I really care about someone don’t I long for them to maximally be enriched?!!!

d.  Enjoying a quiet time this way can help us learn in small bites to meditate on God’s Word and apply it

It’s work learning to meditate on God’s Word and diligently apply it.  This is why a daily quiet time is a discipline and as Hebrews 12:11 tells us, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who’ve been trained by it.”  Did you catch that?  No discipline! Not one!  So this is not an easy thing to integrate into your life.

Reading a book can be a whole lot easier!  For me, reading is like a sweet reward.  It’s what I do to relax, refresh, recharge.  It’s all too easy to take the easy route – and really miss out!

Remember for growth you can’t “just read.” There also needs to be meditating on what you’re reading and then application.  Otherwise you end up like the foolish builder in Matthew 7 whose house came crashing down because it was built on sand.  This foolish man heard the Word, he just didn’t do anything in response to it!

It’s so easy to just read books and not do anything with what you’re reading.  (Granted, it’s easy to do this with God’s Word, too.  I can’t stress enough how vital practical application of God’s Word is!  So I will concur someone who takes whatever morsel of God’s Word they find in a devotional and meditates on it and actively applies it in a life changing way is better off than someone who reads multiple chapters from their Bible each day and does nothing with it!  But why settle for this when you can go directly to God’s word and reap maximum benefit?!)

e. Enjoying a quiet time this way becomes a time of experiencing the Lord!

Just as when I meet with someone, it’s so much more valuable if they discover something rather than me telling them – so I want them to experience the joy of God opening their eyes so they can see wonderful things in His Word!  This is a powerful way of experiencing the presence and wisdom of the Lord.  He really is an amazing communicator.  What a difference it can make in our relationship as well as our lives when we experience this first hand!

f.  Enjoying a quiet time this way is transformational not simply informational!

In America, we are so caught up with knowing information.  And sadly it’s so easy to mistake knowing something in our heads with truly being transformed by it!  God’s Word has such power to transform our lives as we live it out.  Far better to have a simple thought from God’s Word that you live out and changes you, rather than the most brilliant thought that simply fills your brain.

Yes, there are many devotionals that contain incredible thoughts.  I have benefitted greatly from the writings of Oswald Chambers, especially.  But please note he didn’t deliver these as quiet time material.  His wife faithfully wrote down what he shared in messages!

It’s fine to read writings like these and you may benefit greatly from them – but I highly recommend reading them as you would any other book and saving your quiet time for special time enjoying and interacting directly with Jesus through His Word!

(NOTE:  for more information on a simple but highly transformational way of structuring quiet times with an emphasis on meditation and application, check out the article “The Treasure of Shared Quiet Times” found in the “Helps!” section)