“The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.” Matthew 1:1
Got to love the way the New Testament begins with a genealogy! One that places Jesus smack dab in the middle of a family… and one with quite a colorful lineage! Reading through Matthew 1:2-17 is like a review of favorite stories from the Old Testament, only you really see how interconnected they are.
Then verse 18 begins, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way…” Only it doesn’t begin with his mother going into labor or even with her conceiving… Jesus’ birth story begins with Mary being betrothed to Joseph. And then we see how the Lord goes out of his way to make certain that Joseph stays in the picture, sending an angel to encourage him to not be afraid to take Mary to be his wife.
He didn’t have to. Mary could’ve been a single mother. Yes, she needed in that culture to be provided for but the Lord could’ve done this through other people or even through birds bringing her food! He’d done that before!
But in God’s perfect timing and ultimate wisdom, He chose Mary to be Jesus’ mother and Joseph to be her husband and to care for Jesus as his earthly father.
So what does this have to do with discipleship? Just as the Son of God was born into a family, so each of us is born into a family. When we disciple someone if we ignore this reality we will be greatly hampered in helping them.
1. The Lord chose the exact family we were born into and grew up with.
For those adopted this may involve two families! Jesus had this experience – at least through his father! (note Luke 2:48 ) And I wonder… adoption is such a key part of the gospel, could this be why the Lord so wanted Joseph involved?! So Jesus could experience the temporal illustration of what He was going to make possible eternally?!
In Psalm 139:13 we’re told, “Certainly you made my mind and heart, you wove me together in my mother’s womb. I will give you thanks because your deeds are awesome and amazing. You knew me thoroughly; my bones were not hidden from you, when I was made in secret and sewed together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb.” (NET)
Do you see the intentionality of the Lord revealed in these verses? The hands on care? Can you imagine the wisdom, power, artistry that went into hand fashioning each individual? It is so vital for those you meet with to understand this! So they can appreciate God’s majesty as creator through His role in forming them but also…
To the extent they reject or feel shame or harbor bitterness or resentment against their family this will greatly hinder the Lord’s work in their lives and even without them knowing it, can impact in a huge way their relationship with the Lord.
2. The Lord has a purpose for placing each person into the exact family they are born into.
Does Matthew’s genealogy ever highlight this for Jesus!
Note the Psalmist continues, “All the days ordained for me were recorded in your scroll before one of them came into existence. How difficult it is for me to fathom your thoughts about me, O God! How vast is their sum total! If I tried to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. Even if I finished counting them, I would still have to contend with you.” (NET)
God’s work in us does not “begin” when we become Christians! From the getgo, even before our first day came to be, God was at work purposefully planning… This was not a slap ‘er together and move on event! Can’t you hear the Psalmist’s amazement at all the thought the Lord puts into this?
And yes, this can be hard to swallow for those who’ve experienced abuse at the hands of their families. But even in these cases, it’s so important to help women work through these issues with the help of the Lord. The reality is the Lord in His Omniscience knows everything that happens and knew in advance what would happen and He still chose to place them in that specific womb, in that specific family.
Over the past thirty years I’ve met with many women who’ve come from homes where they experienced extreme physical, verbal and/or sexual abuse. When this has been caused or allowed by their mom, it’s easy in situations like this for them to want to look to the older woman discipling her to take the place of her mom. I try so hard to never do this, but instead am always encouraging those I meet with to learn to love their moms, to forgive her and pray for her ~ and whenever possible we pray for her parents together. Time after time I’ve been blown away as I’ve seen the Lord draw the mom to Himself and bring deep healing not only to the relationship, but also to the woman I’m discipling!
3. Our families play a huge role in shaping us
It wasn’t just happenstance Jesus ended up being a carpenter!
With family it can be so easy to only look at the negative and forget the positives we’ve received from those who gave us birth and raised us. What a difference it can make if we take time to help those we meet with identify the good they’ve received, even if it’s just healthy genes or inherited abilities!
And it’s vital to remember our families don’t just shape us as we’re growing up but throughout our lives. Unforgiveness can have an even greater impact on one’s heart than abuse itself!
And even where abuse hasn’t occurred we’ve got to take the gospel and apply it, including, “All have sinned and fall short…” I became a believer six years before I gave birth to my son. And I so wanted to love him well and raise him well! And yet, even in the areas I tried hardest, I fell short! We all always need the grace of God and the forgiveness of Jesus!
But here’s the kicker – to the extent we are critical of and judge our families, not extending grace to them it will continue to have a huge negative impact on us… and our families! In Titus 2:4 Older women are to be trained so they can teach younger women first and foremost, “to love their husbands and children.” One of the best ways I can love my immediate family is by loving well the family I came from. To the extent I don’t, one will impact the other.
4. Families are important to God.
In 1 Timothy 5:4 Paul writes, “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. ” This pleases God! It brings Him pleasure when this happens!
Now Jesus is to be a higher priority in our lives than our families (see Luke 14:26) – it’s so important we don’t go to the other extreme where families become idols! But Jesus makes it clear in Mark 7:11 we are not to spiritualize neglect of our families either!
5. It’s not just about what our families have done (or not done) for us, but also what we can do for them.
When the healed demoniac begs to go with Jesus, the Lord refuses and tells him, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how He has had mercy on you!” (Mark 5:19)
6. Families provide an incredible relational network for helping spread the Gospel and God’s Kingdom!
When Jesus was selecting his disciples, he chose two sets of brothers! Indeed, all throughout the scriptures it’s amazing how many times one person believes in Jesus and the rest of the family is impacted. And note while Jesus’ brothers start out seriously misunderstanding him (John 7:5), one of them ends up not only believing in Him (Galatians 1:19) but many believe he contributed the book to the Bible called by his name!!!
One of the neatest things about family – you’re an insider there! And as your family expands through marriage and yes, even through tracking down distant relatives can you ever have neat opportunities to share the most important part of your life! They may think you’re crazy, but you belong!
This is one thing I love about being married! I don’t just have my family! I’ve now got my husband’s whole family too!!! :0)
If those you disciple are trying to run away from their families can they ever miss out on important opportunities to let their light shine! What if God placed them in that broken, dysfunctional family (and what family isn’t?!) so they could give the reason for the hope they have inside and see God do a miracle of redemption?
I love how the Lord puts it in Jeremiah 32:27, “I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too difficult for me?!”
7. Families aren’t just about those who’ve come before us, but also the generations that will follow! What we do or don’t do doesn’t just impact our life!
I’ve just finished reading through 2 Kings and over and over as each King is introduced and identified as either doing evil or following the Lord you know what it says? Who his mother is! Do we ever have a huge impact on the generations that are to follow – for good or for harm!
Reading about Hezekiah was so sobering. He loved the Lord. He did great things for God. And when Isaiah came and told him he was going to die, he prayed earnestly and the Lord gave him an extra 15 years. But later on when Isaiah told him the Babylonians were going to come and take everything, does he earnestly pray, asking God to change this? No! He actually replied, “The Word of the Lord you have spoken is good” for he thought, “There will be peace and security in my lifetime.”
Let’s not fall into Hezekiah’s trap (if you want to see the outcome of that read 2 Kings 21), just caring about ourselves or only about the women we are meeting with. Even Jesus right before he died on the cross made provision for his mother. Care about those who will continue on after you! And after those you disciple! Ask the Lord to give you a vision for her whole family, even for those yet to be born!
What a difference this can make when you disciple… and beyond!