Where do you go when there’s loss?  When dreams die, people die and you’re reeling in pain?

“If only you’d been here Lord…”

Knowing the power of God, believing fully in His ability to intervene, only makes things worse.

When Martha hears Jesus finally comes, she goes to him, engaging with him in disappointment and pain but also hope.  Mary remains seated.

Every other time in the Bible when we see Mary, she is at Jesus’ feet, listening, lamenting, worshipping.

But not this time.

Not until Martha tells her, “The teacher is here and he is calling for you,” does she go to him and fall at his feet.

“Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.”

She weeps.  Jesus weeps.

But in Greek two different words are used.  Mary’s weeping (Klaio) is a loud expression of grief, weeping, wailing, loudly crying, a reaction toward death.  But Jesus sheds a tear (dakruo).  He wasn’t out of control.  In fact the only time we’re ever told he wailed is in Luke 19:41 when he wept over Jerusalem’s rejection of all God did for her.  

What makes Jesus cry?  Unbelief.

It’s not that he doesn’t care.

In fact we’re told because, “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus,” he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”

He’s calling them into deeper intimacy.  

Will you trust me, even when things don’t go the way you want?  Even when I don’t do what you want?  Even in your pain?

To be a disciple is to be a follower and a learner.

It’s one thing to follow Jesus when he’s going the way you want to go, a whole other to do so when his way is not our way, especially when his way leads to death.

Not long after this, Jesus is the one falling on his face, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

This is the heart of surrender. 

The place where discipleship truly begins.  

“Not as I will, but as you will.” 

For how can you follow someone, let alone learn from them if you don’t go where they go, but instead go your own way?

Mary and Martha assumed they knew what Jesus would do.  When he didn’t, little did they realize he was at work doing something far greater than they could imagine!

And this was only the beginning…

Can it ever be powerful to consider: Where am I?  When the story of my life takes an unexpected turn… when pain and suffering flood in… Do I remain seated?  Or do I run to Jesus?  Am I truly his disciple, willing to follow Him when it’s not at all the way I want to go?  Even when I don’t understand?  

How do you respond when he calls you deeper?  For this is the way of the cross.

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Growing Deeper As Jesus’ Disciple

Pause:  Read John 11:1-46.  Write below one verse that stands out to you.

Ponder:  Why did this verse catch your attention?  What comes to mind as you consider this verse in depth?  Write your thoughts below.  If questions arise, be sure to write those down as well as any answers that may come to mind.  Thoughtfully ponder what’s being communicated here.

Prayerfully Seek:  How does this relate to your life?  What do you sense the Lord wants you to do in response to this?  What could it practically look like for you to do this?  

Take out a sheet of paper.  At the top of it write, “Who I am in Christ” then start recording the truth you already know. Most believers can fill this space in an impressive way. Especially if someone has been a Christian for a while, they usually have a good idea of things they can write here.

Then look at your list and consider,  “Where do you struggle to truly embrace these truths at the heart level?”  Like…

I am the daughter of an all-powerful almighty King who can do anything and who cares deeply for me and already knows the future… so why am I struggling with anxiety?

Or I’m forgiven, holy, blameless in Christ who’s promised all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes… so why do I beat myself up so badly when I blow it?

I’ve been chosen to be a part of the family of God and adopted into it forever… so why can I feel like I don’t belong?

It’s one thing to know these facts in your head.  How are they being lived out in your life?

Three years ago I put together an online art journal course  based on Jerry Bridges’ book Who Am I?   Art journaling through that book was life changing, truly helping me embrace on a deeper level truths I’d known for years to be true but struggled to live out.  it really did make a difference in my life!

But taking time to process through this exercise I realized, while I had grown tremendously in this arena of trusting God with who He says I am, I still have quite a ways to go to fully rest in these truths.

I cried out to the Lord, “Please take me deeper!  Would you uncover what’s hindering me?  What’s holding me back from truly resting in these truths in a life impacting way?”

The Lord loves to answer such prayers! ;0)

Enter shame.  I never dreamed how pervasive it was in my life until I started to read Dr. Curt Thompson’s book The Soul of Shame.  And I was thrilled to discover how learning to recognize shame was helping me not be emotionally hijacked!

But I didn’t make the shame-identity connection until a few months ago when I was hosting a group of women from my church for a movie night.  We were watching The Princess Diaries together to discuss the challenges we face embracing our identity as daughters of the King.  I’ve hosted movie discussion nights like this for years. But this time…  I suddenly realized every struggle we were observing and discussing had its roots in shame!

I.was.blown.away!

As I shared in the last post, we were created to have our identity based in God.  He is the one who created us!  His works are wonderful!  And that includes us!  His wisdom and power and love are evidenced in all He creates. All He creates is good!

But…

In his book, Dr. Curt Thompson reveals shame isn’t just the consequence of sin, but a key factor that led to sin occurring in the first place.  Eve and Adam were in a garden filled with trees featuring fruit good for food and pleasing to their eyes.  Why would they ever want to eat from this forbidden tree?

The enemy, like many marketers today, had to create a need, a desire and he did that through shame’s message, “I am not enough.”  Not only did the enemy contradict God “You will not die!” but he made Eve think she needed something else in addition to what God had given her – his subtle questions and statements convinced her the way God made her wasn’t enough, but this fruit was “desirable for gaining wisdom…” so she could “be like God.”  (yep, trade her identity for another one!  “It’s not enough to be you, you need to be like…!”)

When they reached out for that fruit, they weren’t just hungry, but seeking to be something other than what God created them to be.  And it totally destroyed the way they saw themselves and each other!

That “wisdom” Eve and Adam gained, resulted in them losing their original identities and in the process losing their true selves.

This is why our new identity starts with being in Christ. We have opportunity to step back into what our original parents stepped out of… an identity founded wholly in God and this is all because of Jesus!  He paid dearly to make this possible!  But unlike Adam and Eve, we have to learn to embrace what’s true after years of basing our identity on other, worthless things.  Hence the struggle.  It is not easy to truly embrace your identity in Christ!

You can’t just memorize a verse or even a bunch of verses and get it. You don’t replace years of thinking and living one way with some quick cerebral action.  And of course the battle still rages and the same deceiver is at work trying to keep us from entering the rest Jesus already paid so dearly to make available to us.

Walking by faith isn’t a cake walk, but a struggle every. single. day. But there is so much hope for growth in this!!!  And what’s really incredible is we actually end up getting it even better than Adam and Eve – as Jesus said, “whoever is forgiven little loves little!”  (Luke 7:47)  Do you realize the more you struggle to embrace your true identity in Christ in the midst of the battle while you’re still blowing it, you are going to appreciate and love Jesus even more for the amazing, wonderful, off the charts painful and costly things he endured and did to make your true identity possible!

Dr. Curt Thompson explains about shame a thousand times better than I ever could. I highly recommend art journaling your way through his book!!!  If you’d like to see how I’ve been doing this check out www.inherentlyworthy.com

I like to end my time with people when we’re considering this, having them imagine what it would look like, the beauty and the benefit, if they truly embraced in the depths of their heart who they are in Christ.  How would their lives look and be different?

Can considering this ever spur you on to dive into the battle, to struggle to keep growing in embracing this.  It will be one of the hardest battles you’ll ever fight.  But as a fellow struggler, in the thick of it right now, I am finding it is so worth it!

Recently a friend shared, “We love it whenever we hear you’re going to come talk… because we never know what you’re going to do next!”  I think my latest staff training workshop just took that to a whole new level!

I was asked to share on Trusting God With Who He Says I Am.  As I was preparing for this, the Lord laid it on my heart to get modeling clay and ask each person as we read Genesis 2 to hand fashion Adam… anatomically correct!  That most certainly raised some eyebrows!

But we truly were walking through Genesis 2 in a hands on way  and the Bible says he was naked.  We should never be ashamed of anything the Lord was not ashamed to create!  Especially after He declared it good!

Twice while preparing to film purity videos for Christian organizations I’ve been asked to eliminate anatomically correct terms.  Can I just say it seems the whole world is talking about sex – it’s on TV, pictured on billboards, there are detailed articles in magazines, it’s even featured on bumper stickers!  It’s so vitally important believers can talk about this!

God is the one who made us sexual beings – whether you’re married or not, or involved with someone else or not, this is part of how you have wonderfully been created by the Lord!  Satan loves it when we think everything sexual comes from him!  But that’s not true!

Years ago NavPress published an incredible series by Stan and Brenna Jones entitled, “How and When To Tell Your Kids About Sex: A Lifelong Approach To Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character.”  One key premise in this book is to not wait for “the talk” until your children hit puberty, but to learn to be conversant about sexuality as they grow – and it starts with using anatomically correct terms for the body parts the Lord has created and given to us even when they are babies!

So amidst giggles (yes, we discussed whether they had belly buttons!)…

each person started hand fashioning their Adam – it’s amazing how something so simple can really make scripture come alive!  Does it ever hit home as you’re doing this how close and personal and involved the Lord was in this process!

Want to give it a try?  You can get a bunch of modeling clay for a dollar at Dollar Tree! I encourage people to use one stick of modeling clay for fashioning one person!  It doesn’t take a lot of material, but does it ever require time, attention, detail, your hands getting messy…  and we were just fashioning the outside of a person!  This is one of the best ways I know to meditate! Where you are actively pondering and experiencing scripture in a hands on way!

So then I had them take their Adam and breathe into him the way the Lord did to make him come alive.  (oh how I wish I could figure out a way to use balloons and straws inside the modeling clay to re-enact at least part of this! ;0)  But even in this limited way, you get the idea of the closeness of the Lord.  Have you ever thought as God breathes in to Adam and he becomes a living being – man’s very first memories, the first thing he sees, his first awareness is of God in close proximity to him!

Do you realize with every breath you take, you’ve been given a reminder you need something outside of yourself to live?  This is also true regarding the food we eat!  In the Lord’s first words recorded after Adam is formed, He is providing for the man – food for life as well as boundaries so he can keep the life God’s just blessed him with.

Then the Lord makes a fascinating statement, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” Even before the Fall, no one was ever created to be enough on their own!  We need God!  And just like we need oxygen and food to live, we need others!  So the Lord says He will make a helper fit for him.  Note God doesn’t immediately meet this need.  First he takes time to show Adam what helpers aren’t fit for him.

Picture the last time you went to a zoo. What would it be like to name all the animals in there?  Especially if you keep hoping each one might be that helper…!  (And can I just share for my single friends, even before the Fall Adam knew what it was like to check out potential helpers and keep discovering, “Nope, not that one…”  God had a purpose in this!)  Instead, Adam is seeing how each animal has a helper that is suitable for it.   The wisdom of God in designing each pair is paraded before him.

Then the Lord causes a deep sleep to fall upon the man.  Here we lay down our modeling clay “Adams” so they can sleep and then take a portion – a rib – from his side and fashion the woman – and yes since we can’t make something out of nothing like God can, we take a second stick of modeling clay to add to the “rib” and then fashion her.

Now God could’ve made the woman and left her in the garden for the man to find when he woke up – but he didn’t, did he?  God brought her to the man.  Why?

Do you realize the man didn’t have to accept her.  He could’ve requested revisions or a whole different person!  Check your Bible – how much time elapsed between God bringing her to the man and the man’s response?

“This at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.”

Walt Kaiser says this is one of the most animated portions of Scripture!!!

The man is off the charts elated!  But he hasn’t had time yet to get to know her, to learn her personality, talents, abilities, intelligence, to see if they are “compatible”…  No!  Immediately the man receives her with joy, not on the basis of who she is, but on the basis of who created her!!!  This is totally an act of faith – God said He’d make a helper suitable for him and Adam fully trusted that’s what God did!

Do you realize we were created to be received as a gift from God?  As His masterpiece!  Not on the basis of what we do or don’t do, our personality, or our looks but on the basis of who He is!

Have you ever experienced acceptance like this?  Do you long for this?  I know I sure do!

So here’s an important thing – when people reject you, it’s not about you – but a lack of faith on the part of other people!  They aren’t trusting God that His works, including you, really are wonderful!

Saddest of all, when we reject ourselves, wishing we were different, it’s not about us… but really about God, the One who created us!  This is such a key reason why the enemy goes all out to attack our identity as well as our view of others in the first place.  It’s not just us he’s attacking, but God!  …and our view of God!  For the Lord is the one who made us and made every other person around us.

Just as life comes from God, so our identity comes from Him!  We are each masterpieces in process, hand fashioned by the All Wise God who has created each of us to be enough with Him and others, for all He’s created us to be and do.

Though that’s not what the enemy wants us to believe…

(To be continued…)

If you were invited to share the key things you’ve learned about discipleship in 15 minutes what would you share?

I was asked to do this right after I arrived at the Smoky Mountain Summer Training Program this past week.  When I asked the Lord what He wanted me to share, He laid on my heart three key things:

Listen!

Listening plays a key role whenever I am discipling someone.

First, I always seek to listen to the Lord regarding who He wants me discipling and how He wants me joining in with what He’s doing.  This listening begins even before I meet with someone.  He is the great discipler!  He knows them better than I ever will!  And knows exactly where He’s at work in their lives and what they truly need!  This is why I find it so vital to lift them up before His throne of grace and ask Him to give insight into how He’d like me to join in with what He’s doing.  It is amazing the ideas He gives!  I also pray at the the beginning of our time taking God up on his offer in James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask of God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him.”  When I began praying this at the start of meeting with women it totally took my one on ones to a new depth of effectiveness. As it says in Proverbs 25:11, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” I find asking the Lord for wisdom makes me much more likely to share treasure than if I’m speaking off the top of my head – no matter how much experience I have!

Secondly, I find it’s so important to really listen to what she is sharing.  The longer I disciple women, the more convinced I am the most important part of our time after what the Lord says, isn’t what I say, but what she will say.  It’s much more effective to scratch where someone is itching (metaphorically speaking!).   Don’t just listen until you hear something you have a tool for!  Has she shared what’s truly on her heart?  Often the Lord will guide our time through the things the person I’m meeting with is sharing.  I’ve seen people treat a discipleship appointment as an information dump!  Don’t do that!  One of the most powerful components of a one on one is the relationship!  And one of the best ways to keep cultivating this is to listen!

Third, teach her to listen to the Lord!  I don’t want her to rely on listening to me!  This is a key reason why I always take us to the Scriptures and give time for the women I meet with to interact with the Lord directly during our time.  Even if I’ve taught her a new tool, I want her to hear what the Lord wants to say to her about it.

Learn!

Share your journey with her!  Remember a disciple is a learner as well as a follower of Jesus.  It’s not a designation but a direction.  If you stop learning, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been discipling women or even if you’re on Navigator staff, you are no longer a disciple of Jesus – and you’ve got to be one to make one!  The best thing I ever bring to someone isn’t sharing wisdom from someone who’s arrived!  But to let her see how I continue to grow!  And fail.  And to humbly ask her to pray for me too!

A good friend once shared, “Don’t read your Bible like this…” his Bible was open in front of him and his hand was pushing outward towards others (meaning for the benefit of others or to find stuff you can share with others!). ” Instead read your Bible like this…” with his hand coming up from the Scriptures towards his own heart and then going up and out to others, out of the overflow.  I’ve shared quiet times with friends in Genesis 1 and Psalm 1 more times than I could ever count but every single time I do I’m listening to hear first and foremost what the Lord wants to say to me!  And this is true when I’m preparing for Bible studies I lead too!  I always seek to do the study first for me, even if I’ve done it a zillion times! It’s the Living Word of God, the Author is right there with you!  He never runs out of new treasure to reveal! (And things always taste better when they are served fresh from the oven! :0)

Seek to learn how she learns!  People learn in very different ways!  Some learn best by reading, others by hands-on doing.  What works best for her?  My husband and I met when we were both involved with The Navigators in college – we were in an academic environment.  Seven years later we moved to a city that was mostly blue collar and he started meeting with a new believer who said he really wanted to grow. But each week Jim would give him an assignment and week after week he’d show up not having done it!  Jim really wondered how interested this guy was in growing… until he learned he had dyslexia and struggled to read!  I can’t stress how key it is to put effort into learning what works best for those you are meeting with!

Keep growing in learning new ways to learn!  Four years ago I learned about art journaling! That has added an incredible dimension to how I learn from God… and to how I disciple!  Especially after I learned how key this is in helping to process things at a heart level!  No, it’s not the best thing for everyone, but has it ever added some great new tools into my discipleship tool chest! And then last year I was trained as a StrengthsFinder coach – I can’t even begin to tell you how much I am learning as I’m doing this!  Or what a huge new dimension this has added to my one on ones!  No, you don’t need a lot of tools to disciple!  With Jesus giving you wisdom and your Bible and remembering what’s helped you, you are good to go! But the more ways of learning you add, in response to Jesus’ lead, well, it sure can add whole new dimensions to what you’re doing…and opportunities to experience Him at work!

Love!

But if I have thousands of follow up plans that are amazing, a pantry full of great resources to offer, years of experience discipling and can quote the whole Bible, but don’t have love…!!!  Get the idea here?  Without love, nothing you do is of any value according to 1 Corinthians 13:1-3!

I will never forget once when Jerry Bridges was speaking, he had us draw a bunch of zeros across a page, then asked how much they were worth?  It didn’t matter if you have one or a billion zeros they are all worth nothing!  Then he told us to put a one to the left of the zeros and shared that “one” represents love!  It gives value to everything else we do!  One zero with a number “one” in front of it has greater value than a zillion zeros without it!

But please know love doesn’t mean you sit around and hug the person you’re discipling the whole time!  Love expresses itself in many different ways – from praying for her to coming prepared with something specific to pass on…  This is huge!  While it is so important to listen, I can’t begin to tell you how many people I know who tried meeting with someone one on one, but all the discipler did was meet with them to chat and they said, “After a while, well, it didn’t feel like we were doing much…”  It speaks volumes of love when you come prepared with treasure to pass on!

I liken this to when someone has taken time to prepare a delicious meal or treat when they have you over for tea!  That can mean the world!  And speak volumes about how much you care that you took time to prepare to bless them!  And yes, there are times I toss out what I prepared – if someone’s mom was just diagnosed with cancer or her boyfriend just broke up with her, it may not be the best time to talk about evangelism!  But even then, I will ask the Lord to bring a passage of scripture to mind we can even briefly dive into.

As the Lord says in Isaiah 55:2b “Listen, listen to me and eat what is good and your soul will delight in the richest of fare…”

You see, I consider myself a spiritual chef.  Do I want to serve junk food when the Lord has blessed me with the best money can buy?  God’s Word vs. my word?!  It’s like the difference between serving steak or tossing someone potato chips!  I can’t stress how vital it is to serve God’s Word every time you meet with someone.   This is a huge act of love!

And yes, sometimes we need to get them to eat their spinach!  Or foods they may not prefer.  Being willing to speak only what’s helpful for building someone up (Ephesians 4:29) may mean confronting them when the Lord leads you to!  But that’s love too! Love always follows Jesus’ lead!

And you know how it says in 1 John 3:18, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with action and in truth.” and in John 14:21, “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me…”  It’s so important we help them learn to love God by not just hearing His Word but by doing it!  Application doesn’t come naturally!  It has to be taught!  And when we teach people how to apply God’s Word, to be responders to it and to Him, that is so key to loving them well as we are helping them not be deceived (James 1:23) and to lay a solid foundation for their lives (Matthew 7:24-27).

One final benefit of love in discipleship – it covers a multitude of sins!  (1 Peter 4:8)  Seek to love well, to truly love well as Jesus leads you and it can make up for all sorts of bumbling!  And as a discipler still very much in process, well, bumbling happens too!

I’ll leave it to your imagination whether I actually managed to deliver this in 15 minutes!  I forgot to look at my watch…

I often get people asking for suggestions regarding how they can grow in prayer.  My top answer isn’t to read a certain book or create lists or retreat to a prayer closet but instead to pray up!  Find someone who has been praying longer than you and ask if you can pray with them.

Honestly the best things I’ve ever learned about praying have come as I’ve been praying with those who’ve prayed longer than me.  It’s amazing what you can learn about prayer as you pray with someone!

But what do you do if there isn’t someone around or available who’s been praying longer than you?  That’s where books can be such a great blessing.  I’m not talking about books on prayer, but actual books containing prayers!

Of course the best book containing prayers is God’s Word!  Memorizing and studying the prayers in Scripture truly has been the top enrichment to my prayer life!  As I pray with Jesus and Paul and David through their written prayers have I ever learned a ton I can be praying for!

Beyond God’s Word there’s also treasure to be found in other books containing prayers.  Though, to be honest, initially I never really liked these kinds of books.  It seemed too trite and mindless to just read through someone else’s prayers.

Then I discovered Ruth Myer’s book 31 Days of Praise and the Lord laid it on my heart to look up all the references at the bottom of each prayer and then following her example, create my own prayer of praise.  Wow!  Was that ever life-changing!

Since then I’ve discovered if I look at books of prayers not as something to rote-ly pray through but instead as providing a structure – almost as if I was praying with the actual author (eg., what’s written is their portion and after reading one phrase, I then add mine in there as if we’re going back and forth) well, I’ve been amazed at how this expands and enhances my prayer life getting me thinking and praying about things I never would’ve come up with on my own.

One treasure I recently discovered and am currently praying through is Barbara Duguid & Wayne Duguid Houk’s book Prone to Wander: Prayers of Confession and Celebration. Wow! Wow! Wow!  This has been one of the biggest blessings in my life lately!  Especially as at the end of each prayer she lists songs that relate with the very things just prayed for. After I pray, I look these songs up on youtube, watching the versions that feature the lyrics (a huge help since I can barely hear anymore!) and has this combination of prayer and singing ever resulted in some priceless times with the Father!

It’s also really been making me appreciate Jesus even more as I’m discovering even more how much I really do have to confess.  When i use the blank A-C-T-S form (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) to structure my prayers at the end of the day there are times when I struggle to think of things to confess and it always seems even after I’ve written down the obvious, I know there’s more I’m missing.  Has this book ever opened my eyes to that “more” I need to confess.  And I’m finding as I confess more, I am so appreciating even more how much it cost Jesus to pay the penalty for all my sins!  (Luke 7:47)

I’m also really getting the socks blessed off me as I’m praying through the prayers in The Valley of Vision edited by Arthur Bennet.  As I’m praying through the prayers in that book, they are serving as a school training me in a whole new perspective shift!

I will say one of my biggest struggles in doing this is to fight against rushing through it.  So I’m learning at the start of each time to not start with the prayer in the book, but instead to start by asking the Lord to calm my heart, bind the enemy in Jesus’ name from trying to rob me by bringing other things to mind I could be doing, and to give me grace to enjoy this time.  What a difference it’s making to start that way!

At the end of Skye Jethani’s book With he gives suggestions for ways to keep growing in living life with God.  One of the key ways he mentions is to take time three times a day and get down on your knees and pray through the written prayers of those who’ve walked with Jesus longer than you have.  That’s what got me started on this new prayer journey – and what a blessed, life-changing journey it’s been so far!

Just thought I’d pass the treasure on! ;0)